Not to eliminate the above from my life but I have come to accept that I also need more fulfilling fun in my world. I need the fun that comes from working to obtain a goal, exercising my commitment, being of service, and learning new things that contribute to my being. In the absence of this, there comes a time when even TV, video, games, and the Internet just don’t do it. I guess too much of anything brings diminishing returns.

On top of this I have also come to realize that I have a soulless job, totally devoid of anything fulfilling or fun, but I need money and the job market is tough. As I am working to promote to the next level, it appears that those positions and the ones above them are possibly worse in terms of personal fulfillment but at least they pay more. More pay is important because it will be years, actually decades, before I’m likely to be able to retire at this rate and I need to build things and set others in motion that will enable me to thrive in the absence of an actual job.

When the current job market situation hit, I found myself out of work and unable to go back to what I used to do. I’ve had to find a new career and I don’t think I like it very much. It is work. I’m not terrible at it. In fact, over time, I’ll probably be great at it. It’s not excruciating, but it definitely isn’t fun. Lately I’ve been looking into studying to advance in this profession. I’d like to earn more and this is the way to do it. If not, I have to commit to getting paid at this level or find another profession and risk getting paid even less, at least in the beginning.

All things are temporary, even life. I don’t want to do this work forever but I really don’t know what I want to do instead. For some people it’s easy to find what you want to do for a living. Not for me. I have never known what I am supposed to do so I work to excel at whatever is in front of me until some new and more appealing opportunity comes up. I’m doing that now and I guess I’ll keep doing it until I can figure out what else I’m supposed to do. Grow or die. It’s just that this supposed career feels much more like a job and I would really prefer to do something I actually enjoy. Then again, maybe if I made six figures a year, I could learn to love the paycheck instead.

Noteworthy happenings:

• Sent in my 2010 taxes finally and had to pay the man for which he promptly cashed my check almost immediately. I be broke.
• Washed about 6 loads of laundry. Yes I have that many clothes. Not sure they were all dirty though but I had no better way to get them off the floor.
• Wasted almost a whole day on Sid Meier’s Civilization V. Man, that game is addicting.
• Started going to church online. It’s not as good as being there but it makes me feel a lot less guilty about staying home on Sunday.

Stuff I thought about:

• If I’m so smart, why aren’t I rich?
• I need to come up with a step by step plan to eliminate the need to work for food, rent, entertainment, travel, etc.
• So that’s what the floor of my bedroom looks like!
• I need an awesome hand held camera with an series set of lenses. I need to take some awe-inspiring photos. Maybe even start a photo blog.

Today I was reading this article about a billion or so people that live in slums. I’m not just talking about being poor. I know a little something about that. I’m talking about being poor, homeless, or nearly so, and lacking clean water, electricity, sanitation and other basic services. How does one go through his or her entire life like that and still have hope? At the very least I feel thankful for what I have especially knowing that I can have even more if I just worked a little harder.

This piece entitled “His Reasoning Is Askew” is by a guy named David Brothers who I follow online. Like me he’s been reading comics since he was a kid and this article talks from that point of view and another I share; that of the huge amount of content available online and all the choices we now have. Check him out.